Last week i met a little boy named Kevin and he changed my life. If you’ve been keeping up with my blog at all, then you already know this. If you haven’t been keeping up with it, i would encourage you to scroll down and read the post titled “Kevin.” before you read this one.
i am not a mom, which i think, well i know, is a really obvious thing, but also a very important detail in this post. We all know those girls who have been moms since the moment they were handed their first baby doll, the ones who are the mom of their friend group, who is loved by every baby they meet, and makes friends with kids everywhere they go. Yeah, those.
i’ve always been a little confused by and jealous of those girls because children are weird and babies are weirder but i love them. i always want babies to love me but they rarely do and a lot of the kids i meet are unpleasant and up enjoyable but these girls never seem to notice or be bothered by these things. Babies love them, they love babies. Kids find them fun and they find kids fun. For them, that’s the end of that. For me, it’s a constant evaluation of “Is this kid cool with me or no?” and “How long can i hold this baby before it starts crying?”
Then Jesus started changing and softening my heart.
And then, two weeks ago, i met Kevin and i became one of those girls.
The first time we played together, he was sweet and lovable and anything i would look for as i am typically “not a kid person” and it was great. This week, Kevin was in a different mood. i’m talking a hair pulling, head hitting, shoe throwing, screaming kind of mood.
We did the monkey bars thirty times, he did that walk up my legs and flip thing at least ten, we were on the see-saw for four different times for at least five minutes and when i left i looked (and felt) like i got beat up. However, while i was there i thought nothing of it and i loved him like he was my own son.
A few months ago, if you would have told me that i was going to allow a small brown child named Kevin to crawl all over me and that i would be okay with it, i would have laughed at you, but i also secretly would have wished it were true. My time with Kevin on Friday is a tangible example of the work that Christ has done in my heart this year.
Like last week, when i was leaving, Kevin fought me and The Lord spoke to me. This time there were tears and despite his ridiculous mood, it was harder for me, too. As i kissed his little cheek and said goodbye, i heard The Father say to me, “Well done, daughter. You loved him as I love him. You loved him as I love you.” and i was once again overwhelmed by His perfect timing.
Yesterday i had it pointed out to me how different my love and pursuit of Kevin was, which is what inspired me to write this. My God is a God whose love doesn’t make sense, and Friday, His love came though me to a little boy named Kevin. My God is bigger and His love is stronger than the fact that i’m not one of “those girls” and His love is big enough to give me the patience to love a little boy when He pulls my hair out of my braid. His love is strong enough to love us in our failures, our brokenness, and our humanness, which is pretty cool, i think. i’m glad about it.