The Impossible Moments

Impossible is defined as, "unable to be done, performed, effected, etc." i know every person that reads this has deemed something impossible. i am also willing to bet that most of you have done a lot of the things you'd previously decided couldn't be done. However, i'm not here to talk about the tests we passed or the mountains we've climbed because i am not an inspirational speaker or your mother.

On Tuesday, i was in an airport for the first time since July. i was sitting by myself, people watching, and then i started thinking about the day i got back to The States from Guatemala. 

When we were flying back, almost to Atlanta, i looked out the window and the first thing i saw was a subdivision. i can promise you, that was the last thing i needed to see after living in Guatemala for two months. So i cried. i cried because it was real, i cried because of American culture, i cried because my heart was in a million places and it felt like it was about to burst. By the time we landed, well really by the time anyone looked at me, i pulled myself together and prepared to land on USA soil. i'll spare the details, but between landing and going to my next flight, there were a lot more tears, about a million hugs, and some chick-fil-a. 

Sitting by myself, surrounded by people but completely alone, life was too much. i felt more in that moment than i knew how to handle. i needed to talk to someone, but i had no one to talk to. i needed to scream, but airports aren't a good place to do that. i needed to cry until there were no more tears, but i couldn't. In that moment, life felt impossible.

Since then, i've had a handful of other impossible moments.
Before then, i had had at least a thousand others. 

For me, an impossible moment is when i feel too much. It's when i try to take in all that's going on, which is typically a lot, and i get overwhelmed. Other times, it's when i don't choose to take in all that's going on but it decides to throw itself at me. An impossible moment is one of those times when i want to crawl into a hole and hide from the world because it's just too much. One of these moments could potentially lead someone to say, "i can't even" or something along those lines. These moments for me are the times i wedge myself as close to my Heavenly Father as possible. It's when i text my best friends, calmly and simply asking for prayer (or not so calmly-- you know when you are). It's when i have to take a step back from my emotions and realize that i do not have to make it through this moment alone, but that it is incredibly important that i make it through this moment.

The common denominator in most of my impossible moments is feelings. Feelings, emotions, whatever you call them, are heavy! They're heavy and sometimes scary, but they're necessary! This really incredible series by a church in Portland that my friend shared with me, that has changed my life, pointed something really important out to me:

To be human is to feel.

Friends, Jesus was human. Jesus felt everything we feel. Hello, Jesus had impossible moments! (See Matthew 26:36-46) It is human to have impossible moments. Let me repeat, it is human to feel everything you're feeling! The good news is this: we don't have to feel it alone.

In those moments you feel like life is impossible, remember that. Remember that "We are more than conquerors through Him who loves us." Romans 8:37 and that "With God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26, AND that "YOU can do all things through Christ who gives you strength." We serve a God who makes the impossible moments possible! We live on. We keep going. Yes, we feel too much and the future seems daunting and we don't know what to do with ourselves sometimes, but it's okay! 

So here's to the impossible moments! Here's to conquering them, to learning from them, and to not letting them rule our lives. We were made to feel, we hurt because of sin, and we live because of Christ. The impossible moments are possible. i lived to see August, after feeling like my life was shattering in the Atlanta airport, and you will live to see the sunrise. The impossible moments are the moments we grow from, not the moments that finish us.

Keep fighting, keep feeling, keep going.