Change Chose Me

This is not another post about my car being broken into. This is a blog about new beginnings. This is a blog about seasons.

We do not always choose change. Sometimes, change chooses us.

This time, change chose me.

For me, change smashed my right rear window and took hundreds of dollars of my things with it, leaving me with an empty back seat and a lot of broken glass.

Obviously, i did not welcome this change with open arms. i was mad, confused, and sad that it had come my way. At first, i didn't even see it as change, i saw it for what it is: a robbery. 

Three days after the fiasco, i felt more like myself than i expected i would (if you would have told Monday Morning Ashton that by Wednesday afternoon she would be laughing, she would have cried at you). i spent Wednesday afternoon sharing coffee and good, honest conversation with a brother. We talked about everything from nose rings and parents to my car and his future. He is so good at being honest with me, at telling me the things that i don't want to hear but that i definitely need to. Thankfully though, he's also good at delivering the hard truth in a gentle way. He is my best friend for a reason. He gets me. i'm thankful.

He looked me in the face and took a deep breath as he always does when he prepares to say the hard things. 

He then pointed out that the break in hasn't been the worst part of this year, but that it goes along with all of 2014.

You see friends, 2014 has been really hard for me. From January to December, i have been processing, learning, and facing a lot of stuff, none of it being easy. i've grown a lot, cried too many times to count (which is a miracle in itself), and experienced the Father in new ways. Frankly, 2014 has kicked my butt and i'm ready for it to be over.

As my friend continued talking, he excitingly explained that though i didn't choose for it to be taken, that 2014 is now physically gone. All computer files, pictures, journal entries, notes, and more that have been made during this awful year are now gone. i get a new start! The Writer of my story allowed for my things to be taken, so even though i didn't want this new start, it was given to me. In order to move on, i had to rejoice in this new beginning, find goodness in the situation.

The robbers took everything, but they left me with a new season. They left me with the chance to start over.

The next day, i opened the Bible that my friend lent to me. He had bookmarked Isaiah 43, a passage that earlier in the week had comforted me, and i opened it there again. When i sat down to read, i still hadn't accepted this fresh start that i had been "gifted" with. i miss my stuff! Because i'm human, though i craved Jesus' goodness in it, i wasn't quiet ready to be thankful for the whole thing. i decided to finish reading Isaiah 43. It had helped me earlier in the week, so maybe the later half of it held some needed truth too.

Spoiler: it did. 

Verses 18-19 read,
"Remember not the former things,
nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I am doing a new thing.
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
and rivers in the desert."

The Lord's words, recorded by Isaiah thousands of years ago, and bookmarked by Hunter sometime in 2013 are the exact words that my heart craved. They were the turning point. They changed everything. 

Jesus is making a way in the wilderness (2014 = wilderness). My God is putting a river in the dessert for me. He has given me the opportunity to start over. Behold, He is doing a new thing (2015 = new thing) and i'm excited! It took me a few days, but i am now welcoming this new season. i am anxious to say goodbye to the things of the past, to "forget the former things" and say "hola" to whatever my Creator has for me next.

Step one was getting my hair cut for the first time in three years. 
Step two was getting a new Bible. 
Step three involves a lot of processing.
Step four will be a lot of healing. 

Some step, somewhere, will involve another tattoo (don't tell).

Change is hard, whether we choose it or not. We all have the choice of welcoming it or fighting it off. The thing about change is that once it decides to come your way, it's happening and you can't fight it. Welcoming it, for me, has been hard. Having four inches of your hair cut off sucks, but letting go of the past feels so good. Changing means that we are being made more and more to look like Jesus. It's necessary, whether we like it or not.

i hope that your new season doesn't come in the same way mine did. i hope you welcome change with open arms, anxious to meet your Creator in it. Yes, change is scary but it is necessary. Think of it this way-- if we didn't change, we would still look and act like we did in middle school.

Now, be thankful. Welcome change like you welcomed your not-middle school wardrobe.

Merry Christmas, friends. 

soundtrack to my writing: harp & Arrows-- Judah Lee