i have become obsessed with silence.
As i write this i'm sitting in my house alone. Next to me is a half full bottle of water, Pride & Prejudice, and my cell phone. The only noise is that which my old house decides to make and the sounds that nature often responds with. Wind, some electric buzzing, and my cat's fidgeting are the loudest things in this room. This is my world at the moment and i think that it's beautiful.
Silence is defined as "the absence of any sound or noise; stillness."
My Christmas break has been silent. This year has been so loud. Jesus is using silence to heal me.
Coming off of the break, i was broken. i felt defeated, drained, and discouraged. On the way home, i cried three times. i had nothing left. For twelve months, life has been screaming at me. For fifty one weeks, i have been carrying the noise of life around on my weak, human shoulders.
Now, i sit with my cat at my feet and my computer in my lap with no noise to be heard. My heart is full and the Christmas tree is glowing. i repeat: Jesus is using silence to heal me.
i find that silence is a full thing. It is the absence of noise, but it is the opportunity for much more. It is the opportunity to think, loudly and boldly without anything else hindering what your mind wants to say. It is the opportunity to observe the world within its stillness. Silence opens the door for us to simply be. Silence is full.
Granted, noise is full too. Noise is relationships and mental illness and college and healing and family and so much more. Yet, i don't think that silence is the absence of all of those things, i am just finding that silence is a place where all of that is peaceful. Silence is a place of rest. Silence is a place where you feel excessively loved and saturated in grace. It is a place where my relationships are encouraging me, mental illness isn't screaming at me, school isn't overwhelming, healing is calling my name, and my family is quiet and loving. Silence is a place of being filled, rather than being drained. It is finding a way to empty yourself without being empty.
Silence is beautiful.
In the past two weeks, i have basked in silence. i have allowed it to take every free moment that i have, whether it is paired with a good book or only my thoughts. i have stopped playing music when i'm getting ready, allowing my thoughts to be my only sound. i have learned to appreciate the way that the fridge hums and the distant beating of the waves on the shore. Silence has allowed me to open my mind and think about the noise in my life. Allowing silence to become beautiful and not daunting has given me the mind-space needed to begin the healing that is ahead for me.
Embracing silence brings you to a place where you can be vulnerable with yourself; it's a place where you can't run from your thoughts. Embracing silence takes away its power to discourage you; it takes away its power to let the bad thoughts roll in. Seeking joy in the things that scare us gives us the chance to experience life in a sweeter way. It offers us another opportunity to cling to our Maker as we walk into the unknown, or in this case, we allow our minds to be open.
Silence has been a place where i have found my Savior whispering to my heart. It is a place where i have met Him and He has gifted me with peace and rest. Silence has allowed me to hear Him. The stillness that i have found this Christmas break has also lead me to see different parts of my Creator.
Silence is so real. Silence is so full. Silence is so beautiful.
"We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls."
- Mother teresa
"Silence is a source of great strength."