In the Midst of the Chaos

Life is big. 

It's midnight on Thursday. i'm in bed at home. Today i left school in effort to treat myself to a three day weekend because i decided that i deserve one (and because i have to go to the eye doctor). 

i mentioned a few weeks ago that i kind of got lost in this semester. Somewhere between January 1st and today, i got lost. Whether it be the combination of a job, an internship, and 18 hours or the fact that i can't quite get mentally healthy, i don't know. i don't know what the sweeping factor was that pushed me into this rut that i now live in, but here i am.

i'm here and i'm okay. i'm a little off balance and sad more often than not, but i'm okay. 

i'm okay because no matter how i feel, Jesus is good.
i'm okay because no matter what life looks like, Jesus is good.
i'm okay because no matter how lost i am, Jesus is good. 

i'm okay because Jesus shows me He is good in tiny moments within the midst of the chaos. 

Jesus is good. 

i love breathing in those words. They speak more truth than anything we could ever come up with on our own. i could write a thousand blogs and maybe even a book, but not a single combination of words i could construct would be as beautiful as those. They are the words i have muttered at my darkest and screamed at my brightest. They are the words i repeat at times to try and convince myself of their truth when all feels lost. 

We are broken and i am in a season where life feels that way, but it is okay.
i mean that. i wouldn't say it if i didn't.

i am overwhelmed, exhausted, depressed, lost, hurt, anxious, gray. i have days that life seem impossible. i have moments where breathing is hard. Hell, the truth is that in these last few weeks the hardest things for me to do don't go beyond reminding myself to eat and shower. Life is big and February has been a month where all of its weight has fallen onto me. i have felt blinded to the Gospel (though i have been living it). i have felt, at times, like the storm will never end. i have asked God repeatedly where He is. 

The good news is that He has been in all of it. 

You see, He made me. He made you. He knows us better than we know ourselves (try and concept that). When we struggle, we are so stubborn and we easily convince ourselves that "no one gets it" and without realizing it, we include our Maker in that category. We pray as though He is removed from the situation, but guys, He's closer to us that the struggle is.

Like Leonardo da Vinci is in every brush stroke of the Mona Lisa, so is the hand of God in every part of who we are.

We are His, no matter if we feel that way or not. 

The sweetest part of it is that He loves to remind us of that, even when we feel that every part of our lives are screaming in denial of Him.

These moments, whether they be mere seconds long or maybe days, these moments are why we keep going. He shows Himself to us, a sweet whisper in the midst of the noise. The sunlight breaking the crack of the curtain we keep shut, the roommate making you eat dinner, the frozen tree limb that doesn't look real, the cup of coffee at that perfect temperature, the accidental run in with a friend on the sidewalk, a text from your dad, a class getting canceled, a hug that comes at just the right time. He loves us in these moments. He reminds us of the good, the good that only comes from Him. He uses these moments to fuel us through the dark. 

Don't overlook these moments, friends. Don't let the darkness weigh so much that the moments of light go unrecognized. We have to learn to accept His love in the midst of chaos so we can walk confidently in it through the calm. 

We have to hold onto those moments and allow Him to love us through them. His love is our only constant. 

His love is all we need.